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> The Absolute Best Companies To Work For, best companies to work for.
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post Jul 22 2004, 09:32 PM [ Post #1 ]


Christopher Paige
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In the ten or so years that I have been temping in New York City, I have been in almost every company in NYC; certainly I have worked in every industry in New York City. The following are the Absolute Best Companies in New York City to Work For:

1. IBM - the only remaining multinational company that I have any respect for whatsoever is IBM. If you cold call most companies in New York City, there is a 99% chance that you will get some brain damaged ghetto beauch who will be eating and/or blowing her nose while she is talking to you (and she won't have a faking clue about anything). If you cold call IBM, IBM will route you to the department best capable of handling your question, and you will get an emailed response. IBM is absolutely beyond any doubt the absolute BEST company in the World. IBM is what the governemtn should be and enabler, IBM wants you to succeed using their products. Working for IBM may have some drawbacks, but it seems to me that even being at the bottom of the food chain at the greatest company in the world would be like a good thang.

2. American Express. There is only one company in New York City that I have worked for where everyone in the office that I was working in actually had work to do, that company was American Express (specifically in American Express' Tax Department). I just don't get WHY there are so many idiot fahkers with jobs who don't have sheat to do. What does it say about the American Workplace that, even when there was record high unemployment, there was still a *hit load of aholes with jobs and nothing to do? I went into American Express braced for attitude and I didn't run into any. American Express, like IBM, is so large and is involved in so many things that, it seems to me, once you get in you could do almost anything.

3. Swiss Investment Banks. Investment Banks in general are THE most professional work environments in New York City. You can walk into an insurance company in New York City or a commerical bank HQ in New York City and come face to face with screaming psycho beauches that everyone will be afraid to say anything to. There is almost ZERO chance that you will run across a NUT JOB beauch at any investment bank (because no one at any Ibank is likely to put up with some psycho beauch; not when they have enough money to either have the beauch killed or to pay her to go the fahk away). At most companies in New York, like ALL law firms, you are likely to run into ugly out-of-shape losers who only want to live long enough to retire. There are more people who actually have a fahking PURPOSE in life at investment banks than there are in any other industry in New York City (so what if that PURPOSE is to make a lot of money, at least they actually have a fahking purpose). All of the investment banks are great, First Boston, Lehman, Merrill, Swiss Bank/UBS. The only Bank I personally don't have time for is Goldman Sachs (but, if you are young, White, Male and Gay, even Goldman could be a great gig). Goldman Sachs is the only investment bank I have ever been in where when I passed someone on the hall and said hello, the purpose just stared at me like I was from Mars. I don't care how much money THEY make, they are not paying their support staff any more than any other IBank, so fahk'em (the rumor on the street is that they are the gayest IBank of them all).

4. Merrill Lynch. see above. I once informed Merrill Lynch that a bunch of psycho nut job Mandinka beauches on its staff were stealing from the company. Instead of Merrill just firing these ugly nut job beauches out right, Merrill did this elaborate investigation (before outsourcing the the butt-ugly fahkers). I was very impressed with out Merrill handled these dumb beauches. I figure I Merrill is professional and human toward aholes stealing from it, it has to be professional and human toward its normal humanoid staff. All investment banks are great, but Merrill is probably the best American investment bank for someone who is NOT White (this be coming from a Black Male).

5. Major Automobile Manufacturers. The ONLY private sector employees in America with the slightest fahking clue are Auto Workers. Auto Workers warned the nation back in the 80's of Corporate America's plan to automate and to outsource jobs offshore. Most if the idiots making $1+ million dollars at investment banks in New York City are still at-will employees (I just find it so fahking stupid and clueless that someone could be making BIG money ands STILL have no problem being a fahking at-will ahole working minute to minute). Ford, GM, Chrysler are great companies to work for because the Autoworkers guarantee that non-Union workers will, as a by-product of union contracts, have THE best wages and healthcare plans in the world. My first job out of college was for an automobile manufacturer, and it has been all down hill since then.
 
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